I just want to talk for a moment about text messaging. It must be a sign that I have hit at least one uncomfortable high school reunion when I long for the days of actually reaching out and touching someone. I don’t mean that literally because I am pretty sure that was not exactly legal in the good ole days either. But we have moved from a society that talks things out and condensed ourselves into one sentence conversations. In my case, exactly 160 character conversations. But texting is not alone in this, facebook and instant messaging also dictates that our communication be limited to what is becoming an ever contracting level of concentration. And while expanding the quantity of our “friend”ships it may be adversely impacting the quality of those same relationships. In the course of my days my received text messages are getting more and more complex. To the point where these are not exactly communications to be having over text message.
Case in point, my cousin gave my telephone number to a friend, that friend texted me her entire acne history and asked what she thought she should do. That would be a classic example of a bad text message. The only real answer I can give in 160 characters is, “Suck it up.” You would actually have to place the phone call to get a real answer to that question. Another bad example would be “Jessica, sorry your dog Daisy was eaten by a coyote.” Once again a bad text, true sentiments should be expressed verbally.
Essentially IMs and texting are for a few different reasons in my opinion. First, you only need a very little information and you can give it in fill-in-the-blank form. Second, you just wanted to let someone know that you are thinking of them and thought of something kind of silly just to get their attention and let them know they are cared about (could even be Plutonic caring). Third, flirting but not dating. Fourth, teasing your brother about how much better your score at Toy Story Mania is than his and doing it in real time. (That could be number 2 again.) Fifth, mass invitations to something or to quickly disseminate general information. Sixth, communication when a phone call would be inappropriate, such as during a meeting. And finally, setting up or confirming prearranged meetings.
Let’s talk about some texting faux pas. Setting up a first date by text is a total faux pas. I have yet to hear a girl tell me how special she felt because this cute guy she met at a party texted her to ask her out. That is a phone call conversation. The text says, I like you enough for 10 seconds but maybe not enough to dedicate a whole conversation. Hardly the way to start a budding relationship. However, if you have already had a conversation about getting together and you are still working on the details, then it is okay to text and ask if Wednesday works. This assumes you have already made the offer of the date and it has been accepted by some other personal means.
Asking complex questions are definite texting no-nos. Asking how an internal combustion engine works by text message is a bad idea. No one in their right mind would answer that question, unless they had nothing else to do in life, and that includes bathing themselves. “What is the air speed velocity of a coconut laden swallow?” is a great text message question. That requires a very simple answer, a simple answer which eludes me at this moment but I am sure it is a simple answer.
I once heard a story about a celebrity that was asked by a fan for an autograph. The celebrity who told the story told about how the fan had stopped him in the middle of something he was doing and had interrupted his schedule. However, being a nice guy he was willing to oblige. But then the fan asked if the celebrity had a pen. The celebrity expressed his frustration and said if you are going to ask someone for something at least bring a pen. The point being many people ask for our help which they realize may be an inconvenience and then don’t even bother putting in enough preparation to make it less of a nuisance. Texting is going that direction as well where people can ask for things they might not be as willing to ask face to face. “Can you come help me move on Friday and can you bring the donuts too. Thanks you’re the best!” Less than 160 characters but with less character than you would want. I am still of the belief that if you are going to ask a favor from someone, it should be a conversation not a text. Unless of course that favor is a small thing like “Can you DVR (fill in the blank with your favorite TV show that no one knows you watch and you are embarrassed enough about not to really admit except to your sibling or roommate) for me I have to work late. Thanks!” This point is negotiable based on the level of friendship you have with a person. But seriously, bring a pen.
Also there are appropriate and inappropriate places to be texting. As recent law and youtube videos have shown, texting while driving is not only dangerous but illegal……and we have all done it. Nothing scares me more than seeing the person driving next to me on the freeway, texting. At least the guy drinking the beer is more predictable. Church is also a totally inappropriate place to text. And trust me, you are being judged whether righteously or not when you pull out your phone for almost any reason during Sacrament meeting. Texting during church is bad form. It makes me laugh when I hear of Bishops who actually have to tell their congregations not to text during church. That one should have been obvious. And yes, we all have done it. Finally, texting while in the middle of a real conversation is possibly the most unintentionally rude act one can perform. Which of us have not been talking to someone when they get a text. Their eyes shift from focus on your face to their phone and all of a sudden their attention seems to drift away and all but disappear as they actually start to respond on their phone and only perk up to ask, “What did you say?” as they barely comprehend that you just said, “"Look mother, it's my life, o-kay? So if I want to live on a beach and walk around naked..." (Total extra points if you get that reference.) As if the person not present but the one texting is much more important than the one actually taking the time to engage you in conversation. Now there may be cases that you are waiting for someone to arrive and you need to see if they are lost. That is when you explain to the person you are talking to the situation and why you have to look at your phone, apologize, handle it as quick as you can, and then it is your responsibility to reengage the conversation. Now that is better texting etiquette.
Don’t get me wrong. I like texts a lot. They make me feel loved. Every time I get one and I am in a patient’s room I let the patient know that beeping noise means I am popular. I take their laughter to mean that they accept the premise. But I do think texting has its limitations and we should look for more reasons not fewer to contact in real life instead of trying to tangle ourselves in virtual webs. So lol, ttyl, ttfn. And all those other fun things I have to ask my younger sisters what they mean.
Brian
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